Below My Feet
by elospock
Summary: One shot (or not, not sure yet). Based on a song, but not really a song-fic. Kirk and Spock, arguing after a Klingon attack.


So, if you are wondering, I haven't abandoned The Cave. I'm still working on it. But I have been busy, and I'm kind of stuck somewhere and I don't want to write just anything. So. Still in progress. But soon. Hopefully.

Here is just a story I have written a couple weeks ago. Doesn't really fit in The Cave. So I decided to publish it as a one shot. Maybe it could expand if you like it. I don't know yet. We'll see.

Anyway, thanks for reading me and live long and prosper, beautiful people.

* * *

"Jim."

"We can't just pretend nothing–"

"Jim."

"You know, Spock, you know I would never ever–"

"_Jim_. Please."

Something in Spock's tone made him stop talking at once. He looked at the Vulcan, who was siting completely still, visibly trying to control himself.

"What? What is it, Spock?"

"You… almost died again."

Jim opened his mouth in disbelief.

"Is that why you are upset? Because I – _almost_ – died?"

"_Recklessly_ risked your life," replied the man, his voice slightly shaking.

The captain was truly astonished. Was Spock _that_ visibly shaken over Jim's attempt to fight some Klingons? Was he showing… emotion? Jim felt his stomach tighten.

"It's no big deal, Spock, you know… You should know by now that being me can be quite risky," he tried, with a tentative cocky attitude.

Before Jim could react, Spock had stood up and had pushed him against the nearest wall, a hand on his throat.

"Spock, _what the fuck_–"

"'What the fuck is going on', as you were going to say, is you being unable to restrain yourself from acting like a child. You would impulsively sacrifice your life _for nothing_."

Jim was still struggling against the wall, in vain trying to escape Spock's grip.

"Spock–"

"Jim, why do you always have to put yourself in these situations? Do you find some kind of _pleasure_ in pain, adrenaline rushes and certain death?"

Spock's voice was harsh and husky. He was still holding Jim very tightly, almost choking him. The captain glared at Spock furiously.

"Spock, you know I would do _anything_ for my crew. _Anything_. And if I have to _fucking _die for them, for the rest of the planet, or even just for _you_, I would do it without thinking. Because _it is my fucking duty and because I cannot bear any of you _DYING_ on my behalf!_ And that's how it is, Spock. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few – or the one. Now, _let me go_."

"No, _sir_," replied Spock, anger piercing through his tone. "I shall not let you go. It is not 'alright' to risk your life on the behalf of everybody else. Your life, after all, is indeed more important than any of your crew – or me, for that matter. You are the captain."

"You are wrong, Spock. My rank doesn't mean anything, _anything_, where my crew is concerned. It _is_ my duty to protect them."

"_Jim_."

"Now, _listen to me, Spock_," spat the young man, fiercely angry now. "Oh and _please_, for _God's sake_,don't _'Jim'_ me. I don't care what you think, I don't care what is _expected_ of me – I don't fucking give a damn, alright? It might not be fucking logical that I value my life less than the one of a yeoman, _and yet, I do_. And you better fucking accept it because it won't change anytime soon. "

Spock was glaring at him, his grip tightening a little around Jim's chest.

"So you will not _fucking_ tell me what to do, what to say, what to feel, and I will continue to risk my life for the people I care for _whenever I can and whatever the circumstances_. Now, will you let me go _at once_ or should I make that an order, _Commander_?"

For a few seconds, Spock continued to look deeply in Jim's eyes, their anger mirroring in each other's stare.

"The needs of the one, the life of every single being will always matter to me, Jim. Especially yours."

Then, limply, Spock released the captain. He turned quickly, and moved towards the bay window. Kirk could see he was trying to compose himself; his breath was ragged and his head bent. His shoulders were visibly tensed. Kirk massaged his neck and his bruised chest. He knew Spock only meant well, but he couldn't help but wish that he had taken less forceful means to manifest it. He sighed apologetically.

"Spock… I'm sorry, I… I didn't mean all of what I said."

Spock was now shivering uncontrollably. Worried, Jim stepped closer to him.

"Are you alright, Spock? You are trembling. What's going on?"

"You… you were cold."

For a second, Jim wasn't sure if Spock had spoken at all. His voice had been barely a whisper. He put a tentative hand on the Vulcan, who stepped back quickly.

"What–"

"You were cold, Jim. As though your blood had frozen to your bones."

Spock turned to face Jim. Never before had he seen so much distress on the Vulcan's face.

"I…"

"When you repaired the warp core. When you saved us all. When you… died. I was the one who carried you, after Khan was captured. I was the only one who could. I am not immune to radiations, though due to my Vulcan heritage, I seem to be more resistant to them. As you had been significantly exposed, I volunteered to transport you. You were incredibly heavy, and your face was… very pale. And you were so… so cold."

Spock's hands were trembling at his sides, so he wrapped them around himself.

"While you were… gone… I was restless. I could not sleep, and yet, it was the only thing preventing… I had to sleep, for I could not weep. Show emotion. Look weak. Not in front of the crew. Not even in my private quarters. The crew needed me to be strong. _You_ needed me to be strong. I had to pretend that everything was under control, that everything was well. It had to be. All had to be well. But suddenly, all I knew seemed to be steeped in blackened holes. I was completely lost."

Jim was very still, listening intently to what the Vulcan was saying.

"Jim, you are what keeps me sane. Since my planet was destroyed, the Enterprise, more than Earth, is what anchored me to life. In my restless sleep, that was what I was asking you, to help me ground me, to help me keep the earth below my feet, as you would say. You are the only one who can. "

Jim's heart was beating wildly. He tried to say something, but the words died in his throat. He gulped with difficulty and tried to control his racing mind. Spock turned to face the captain.

"Jim… You have to understand. The odds that you might survive all the critical situations you are constantly facing are astronomically low. That time, with Khan, you almost proved them right. Therefore, every time you risk your life, I do not know why, but I… I _feel_ scared."

Jim was gaping at Spock, unable to utter a sound. Spock? _Feeling? _And _willingly_ admitting it?_ Because of him?_ Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Or… maybe it was good? No. It couldn't be.

Of course, he knew the Vulcan was only hiding his emotions, rather than being devoid of them. But for him to actually _confess_ that he was feeling something remained quite extraordinary.

"Jim, every time I feel friendship for you, I am ashamed. Because I cannot help myself but _to feel_… to feel frightened that something will happen to you and that I will not be able to prevent it. I am scared that you will meet an untimely death. And it is an idea I cannot bear. It is not logical, and yet, when it comes to you, hardly anything I do seems to be logical."

Spock was now very close to Jim. He unwrapped his arms from his chest and put his hands on Jim's shoulders.

"Jim, I cannot… I cannot lose you," whispered the Vulcan, resting his forehead on Jim's.

"Spock…"

The words died away in his throat, strangled by the overwhelming flow emotions submerging him. He closed his eyes, angry at his own weakness. Tears slowly streamed down his face. Lightly, Spock brushed his cheek with his fingers, softly wiping the tears away.

"You are crying, Jim."

Jim looked intensely in Spock's deep brown eyes.

"Spock, I realized that… that I _care_ for you more than I have ever cared for anybody in my life," he whispered. "And today, the Klingons… they had captured _you_. The only reason why I risked my life so thoughtlessly is because I cannot bear anything happening to _you_. I would rather die a thousand times than let anything happen to you."

Spock's hands were still on his shoulders. Very slowly, Spock lift Jim's chin up, drying the last of his tears with his thumb.

"I have been and always shall be your friend, Jim."

Jim looked back, feeling a pang of longing in his heart that he could not explain.

"As you always will for me too, Spock. Even though you…"

The captain stopped speaking abruptly. What was he doing? What was he saying? That Spock was… more than a friend to Jim? Where was that even coming from?

"…are more than a friend?" finished Spock, his voice slightly trembling.

Jim was too shocked to answer anything. But he didn't have to.

They both knew it was true.

Gently, Spock brushed his lips against Jim's.

Suddenly, the door burst open, allowing in a very disheveled McCoy.

"_What on _Earth _were you thinking, Jim?_ _What _THE HELL_ is wrong with you?_"

Taking no notice of the intimate scene that had taken place moments ago, the doctor caught Jim by the shoulders and made him sit down on the closest couch, his tricorder hovering around.

"How the hell am I supposed to be able to keep you alive, you bastard of a captain? Or should I say, to keep you _both_ alive. You have a death wish, Spock? Trying to reason with _Klingons_?

Bones abruptly injected some meds with several hypos in Jim's neck, who was still too overwhelmed by Spock words and Bones sudden interruption to react how he would have in his normal state. He merely winced at the injections, his gaze going from Spock to McCoy. Slowly, as though driven by a conflicting impulse, Spock went to sit next to Jim. Hesitatingly, he brushed his fingers against Jim's.

"What if you had been _injured severely_? What if I _cannot_ fix you, Jim?"

Bones continued his gibberish of incoherent anger and worry, but the captain was not really listening. Slowly, he took Spock's hand in his, while his other went to his mouth, touching the place where Spock's lips had been only seconds ago. Spock was looking back penetratingly at Jim. The tension between the two officers was almost palpable, and yet, McCoy seemed completely oblivious of it. He didn't even seem to notice that Spock had moved at all. After a while, though, he noticed how silent the room was besides his furious recriminations. He looked frantically from Spock to Jim.

"Good Gods, was I interrupting something?"

* * *

Let me know what you thought! If I get feedback, maybe I'll continue it... Worth a try! ;)


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